What kind of a mother are you?

Are you sure you are a good mother? Or do you still believe you are one when you knew deep down within you that you are not?

 Being a mother is one aspect and being a ‘good’ mother is another. When you proclaim to the world that you are a mother then you should show it. They should be able to see in your children that indeed you are what you confess you are.

Motherhood takes lot of hard jobs, lots of pains and of course the laughter as well as the joy that come with it.

But to get to that point when you can fully proclaim that you are a good mother, then you must be ready to care a lot for your children. You must be ready to fight through thick and thin for them to live on.

You must be able to train them in the Godly ways and in the will of God so that their lives will be filled with blessings and not curse.

I repeat; motherhood is a big time hard job and If you are not ready for that, then don’t you ever think of getting pregnant talk less of having the baby.

You must work hard to provide for you children now that you are a single mother and you have no one to turn to. Do not think you can just run and abandon your kids.

God is not delighted when you maltreat your children. They are gifts to you thus you must do everything in your power to cater for them.  

As a mother, I implore you today to turn to God, let Him help you. Even those of us with spouses still cry out because we knew the job involve in being mothers.

Thus you as single mother must learn to carry the burden. Do not be ashamed to go on alone. There is no guilt in being a mother. Rather you should be joyful that you are one and you must praise God for being a mother.

Now the question is, how are you taking care of your children, do you just abandon them and zoom off to parties with friends or are you always there for them?

To your Single Motherhood Success!

A MOTHER IN THE MIDST OF BATTLE FRONT

Raising a child all alone can be compare to the war front. It does not matter if you are a mother of one or two or more. That you are a single parent is no joke because it is not an easy job.

You will imagine all the efforts you have made, the ones you are making and of course those one in your agenda to make in the coming weeks.

I can pictures the lots and lots of errands you have to run from your house, to your children’s school, to your office, then back to your local supermarket and then to pick your children before you all head home.

Doing this every day; 5 days a week or more can be very challenging.

And one of the most desires you will have on your mind is your children to understand and appreciate you. But in the situation where the reverse is the case, what will you do?

Imagine your children getting you seriously angry about their behaviours? Or you are deeply upset over something they did wrong? What are you supposed to do?

 

1)      Above all, you must understand that children are the hardest group of people to control. If you don’t accept this, you will found it extremely difficult handling your kids. Yes, children are young but they are very wise, which makes it harder. When you mastered how to deal with your own children, I bet you won’t have much to worry about.

 

2)     In you moment of anger, please and please, do not curse your children! That will be the greatest mistake you will live to regret on. Have you not heard mothers in your neighbourhood cursing their children freely as if they are giving them gift willingly? It is against the will of God for your life and that of your children. God gives them to you for you to care for them and not to make their lives miserable. Curses are effective and powerful because they are spoken words. Of course, you won’t want bad happenings over your children so avoid cursing them, no matter how hurt you are.

 

3)     Control your temper. A woman without a mild temper is not yet a real mother. Why do you choose to become a mother when you know you have not been able to discipline your emotions?

 

One of the best ways to do this is; avoid reacting when you are at the deepest point of your anger. Instead, leave the room and go elsewhere. Just show your children you are angry so that they will understand their fault but DO NOT OVERREACT or you will damage lots of things.

 

4)     Finally, get closer to God. Believe me; you cannot raise these lovely and little ones on your own. Yes, you are a single mother and this is why you need God’s divine guidance.

God will help you. He sees your efforts, He understands your night cries, He hears you when you scream at your children, He watches over your children when you are far away in your office and they are in school, He places you and your children in the palms of His hands so that no harms will come to you all. So what are you waiting for?

 

Come on, get to God!

 

To your Single Motherhood Success!

 

Princess Ayelotan

©2009 All Rights Reserved

www.princessayelotan.com

 

Author

TASTE OF HUNGER

www.tasteofhunger.com

SHADOW OF THE SUN

www.shadow-of-the-sun.com

THE EUROPEAN MENTALITY

Yesterday, I was at an office, waiting. There were lots of mothers there with their kids. You know this is vacation thus we have lots and lots of children with us.

Everywhere was noisy and trying to concentrate was just some wastes. So I spent the moment observing people.

Suddenly from the mini-playground behind me, came a slapping sound. I joined the rest of the women to look. The noise actually came from an African mother correcting her son. She said something and the boy replied rudely. That ignited the African nature in her.

She landed him heavy slaps, without bothering whether we were there. Then she pushed him ahead of her while they left the building. Other kids drew back with terror.

I turned forward to hear two white women angrily condemning the woman for hitting her child that way. Instantly, two African women sitting next to us joined and defended their fellow African woman.  There was nothing these women said that convinced these white women. They were furious and still insist that a woman has no right to use a rod or beat her child no matter what.

That got me into serious thinking.  Must a woman stop correcting her child? No rod, no scold or what?

Correcting a child is dated back long, long, ago even in the Bible. 2 Kings 2:23-24 (NRS) version for Mothers, explained what happened to kids who insulted Prophet Elisha. The book of Proverb wrote so much about why as mothers, we must correct our children when they go wrong.

“Those who spare the rod hate their children, but those who love them are diligent to discipline them” Proverbs 13:24 (NRSV)

Do not buy into the European MENTALITY that you must not beat your child. That you reside in Europe does not mean you should lose yourself and drop the idea of correcting a child.

If you don’t correct your child, how will he or she understand the right from the wrong?

Children are fragile. They need to be told what to do and to teach them how to do it. There are times you will discover that you just have no choice than to use the rod or spank your child. I can tell you, do not spare the rod or you will have yourself to be blame.

To your Single Motherhood Success!

Princess Ayelotan

www.princessayelotan.com

© 2009 All Rights Reserved

Author

TASTE OF HUNGER

www.tasteofhunger.com

SHADOW OF THE SUN

www.shadow-of-the-sun.com

I WILL DECIDE

Grace is a biological mother to fifteen-year old, Joyce. They lived together for some years until Phil walked into Grace’s life. The lovers agreed that Phil moved into Grace’s three-bedroom flat which is spacious and comfortable than Phil one room-flat.

Grace is in love. To her, that matters but when the issue of her daughter comes in, Grace is different. Joyce will not clean up the flat until her mother pays her 30 Euros. When Phil intervenes, trying to stop Grace from paying her own daughter before she would do the right thing that is expected of her, Grace would yell on him. Sometimes, it would be Joyce that confronted Phil, reminding him that he is not her father.

Many of these hurt Phil so much. The most annoying is when Grace herself will not hesitate but keeps on telling him not to talk to her daughter as he wants because he is not the father.

There were days Grace and Joyce will team up against Phil.  When I heard this about few weeks ago, I warned Grace. That a man moved in to live with you does not mean you should disrespect him and lower his image before your daughter.

This adolescent plague is becoming unacceptable. Does a mother have to pay her child before he or she must clean up the house?

You may be living your life as Grace or you have women as her, you need to understand that what you choose for yourself and in your relationship is what you will have.  How you treat your man in front of your child is how that child will behave with your man.

Learn to set the pace, to differentiate the gap between these personalities. Your man is your man, and your child is your child. And both of them are not the same.

If you cannot do this, then it is better you remain single without involving yourself in any relationship.

There is no man who does not yearn for respect even if he is a goat. It is you, the woman in the middle, who will set things right.

When making your decision, I implore you not to be like Grace whose love for her daughter is senseless and overspent.

To your single Motherhood Success!

 

Princess Ayelotan

www.princessayelotan.com

 

Author

TASTE OF HUNGER

www.tasteofhunger.com

SHADOW OF THE SUN

www.shadow-of-the-sun.com

YOUR ULTIMATE NEED

As a single mother, do not assume that your life has ended now that you have a child or many.

In fact, you need to understand that your life has just begun. Making priority of the needs of your kid(s) is important BUT making the most out of your life is your ultimate need.

When your personal life is stable in every area, your kid(s) will appreciate you because they will know that you are making effort to advance not just for your own benefits but them as well. .

Are you thinking that you are past education being a single mother? Or are you afraid of finding yourself back in class amidst younger ones who have not even taste the fruit of motherhood?

There is no way you can progress in your job or in any career you choose without polishing. You will have to continue with your education unless you want to remain redundant for the rest of your life.

I implore you to get back on your feet and make the most of your life. Do not accept the myth that you are past education. This is false! What you believe is what you will gain. Life is all about creating a special life that will be a blessing to you and to your loves ones.

To your Single Motherhood Success!

 

Princess Ayelotan

www.princessayelotan.com

©2009 All Rights Reserved

 

Author

TASTE OF HUNGER

www.tasteofhunger.com

SHADOW OF THE SUN

www.shadow-of-the-sun.com

MOTHER’S GREATEST PRIORITY

 

God, I am only one trying to do the work of two. Please help me prioritize my time more efficiently, saying no to impossible and yes to the truly important. Amen (NRSV Bible for Mothers).

This is not a poem but a prayer for you as Single mother. Being alone is one aspect and being responsible and in charge of your child (ren) all alone is another, which makes it very extremely challenging. You are now in the position of handling everything by yourself. Whatever affects your child automatically affects you because only you are there for him.

That you are solely responsible for the welfare of your child is no jokes! You are the only ONE there when he sleeps, when he wakes up, when he eats, when he is sick, when he goes to school, your eyes are on the lookout for him when he plays with his friends and you are so, so concern about his health! While you are at work, your mind wanders countless of time thinking about his safety in school.

Just imagine you alone having to go through all these! Believe me, you can’t do this alone. The more you try to create in your mentality that you are 100% capable of motherhood, the more you will discover that there are more to what you think.

What you need is God and His Strength to carry on. This is when as a mother; you have to master the art of PRAYER. It is not the usual routine of reciting the Lord’s Prayer that I am explaining here. It is about getting closer to God in your prayer, placing all your motherly roles upon God to look after you and your child. Trusting and relying on God to make you the best of mother and to protect your child.

Your priority is to pray for your child and for you. Every morning you wake up and before you step your feet on the floor, say one or two prayer for your child. Do not forget yourself as well because it is when you are healthy that you can truly have the ability to care for your child. So you must include your health in your prayer.

You don’t know what happens to your child while he is alone at school and you are far off in your office. You are not there to supervise his actions and his relationship with other kids. For this also, you need be effective in your prayer.

When God is invited into your affair of motherhood, you will find every challenge easy and pleasant. Raising your child requires that you stay in daily touch with God. In your office, in your home, on the street, in your thoughts, in your speech, in the market places, in your meetings, with your friends, wherever you are and most importantly while with your child.

Do not just pray alone always. Get your child to pray with you, not only at mealtimes but create the space to pray together. Do not be too busy or too committed to your office work that you lack that aspect of your motherly role.

God gives you that child and never forget that you are accountable for his well upbringings!

 

To your Single Motherhood Success!

 

Princess Ayelotan

©2009 All Rights Reserved

 Author

TASTE OF HUNGER

www.tasteofhunger.com

SHADOW OF THE SUN

www.shadow-of-the-sun.com

IT IS NEVER ENOUGH

Are you a good and responsible mother to your child (ren)? Are you the type of mother who truly understands the importance of income saving? Or are you the type that derives pleasure in copy-cat?

Copy-cat is extremely common with women. A lady can notice new pairs of shoes with her girlfriend and before the end of that day, she would have gone to buy the exact shoes; same model, same colour.

There are no tangible advantages with copy-cat and I can boldly tell you that there are lots and lots of DISADVANTAGES with it. What does copy-cat brings to you?

1)      It reduces your values. It means you are someone who can be dumped with just about anything even junks and you take it like that without any remorse.

2)      You don’t respect yourself when you engage in copy-cat and you are just announcing to yourself that you don’t know what you want for your life.

3)      The words ‘economising’ is missing from your grammar book. Of course, you don’t copy-cat without spending money or even force someone to get that material for you. In the spirit of copy-cat, you can as well go farther frustrating that person in your attempt to have what you want.

4)   Copy-cat does not and cannot bring you ultimate satisfaction. Once you ended up getting that new pairs of shoes as your girlfriend, then you may conclude that it ends there but it is not because you will still have the SAME urge the moment you notice a new blouse on another friend or stranger.  Copy-cat is a dangerous urge that has every tendency of leading you gradually into addition.

5)    Your child (ren) will not obey you. The more a child sees his mother copy-cat, the more he will starts acting funny, even stealing from you. Believe this, your child is a product of you and that means, he will grow up the way you nurture him. If you have used all the money in the house to copy-cat, and your child saw this, he will grumbles, blaming you for spending out and not saving to feed him. So tell me, won’t you feel ashamed hearing that from your child?  

 

Now these are the ways you can avoid Copy-cat.

1)     Be contented with what you have. Remember you cannot acquire the entire world into wardrobe. If you manage your clothing and shoes very well, you will always love to wear them more and more. When you are contented, you are happy and this can lead more to you acquiring whatever you want without copy-cat.

2)   Value yourself. Don’t be the dustbin that anybody can dump their style of clothing or materials upon. What if you get that pairs of shoes through Copy-cat and you end up not liking it? This is possible. What fits properly on your girlfriend may not go well on you. Always remember the saying that fingers are not equal and I need to use this to clarify this article.

3)   Resist the urge. Copy-cat has the same urge as sex. You have the right to say no or yes. This means that nobody can force you unless you want it. Avoid the temptation even if a friend asks you to.

4)   Save for you and your child’s future. Value the life, security and the love of your child above copy-cat. It is for your own good.

Treasure your income with deep respect. Do not copy-cat and you discover how greatly appreciated you are.

 

To your Single Motherhood Success!

 

Princess Ayelotan

©2009 All Rights Reserved

 

Author

TASTE OF HUNGER

www.tasteofhunger.com

 SHADOW OF THE SUN

www.shadow-of-the-sun.com

WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE?

There are tales that some women while they are single can do anything to look good. When you see them; their clothes, their shoes, and of course, their make-ups make them really like queens.

So what happened to them when they have conceived one or two children?

The ‘once elegant lady’ or should I call it the ‘sophisticated young woman’ who becomes a new mother now no longer has the time to care for herself.

Take the case of Janet, a primary school teacher; she visited her hair stylist thrice in a month. Her clothes were usually neat, ironed and crispy. Looking at Janet, you will pray to have everything that she possessed but life took a funny dramatic turn for her the moment she discovered she was pregnant.

Janet gradually started neglecting her looks, her body and her posture.  It was a rapid transformation and a very bad one indeed.  Janet, who was once a slender, tall and flat tummy woman in now a fat, hunchback (she developed the habit of bending her shoulder while pushing the pram), and with excessive load of big tummy.

It is not because you have a child or two that you should have big tummy. You can work on it!

I don’t have that. As a matter of fact, you can never know that I am a mother. Many people are being deceived by my look and I LOVE THAT!

Don’t you appreciate it when you look young again?  You may be like Janet but do you realise that you can avoid getting into the traps she voluntarily indulged?

1)     Be self-conscious of your look. Set about creating a wardrobe of quality clothes. You don’t have to buy expensive ones but go for the ones that fit you and not just anything. Do not buy a cloth because it is cheap. Buy because it fits you. Get rid of flabby clothes you used when you are pregnant. If you want, you can keep them, hideaway for another conception but I suggest you just get of them, maybe give it to charity groups.

2)   Cleanliness pays off if it is done properly. Do you have to forget bathing yourself because you are too busy taking care of your baby? What about the baby milk that split on your chest? Or the messy baby cereal that stained your laps? Will you clean them off wipe just a wiper or are you going to take a thorough bath?

3)   How do you smell? Does your hair smell rot? Or your armpits stink? What about your body odour? Are you doing anything to get refreshed? Do you have loads of dirt under your long, ugly-looking finger nails?

4)   Start to stay fit. Exercises will do you good. Don’t just abandon yourself because you are now a mother because believe me or not, your child will love you when you look great. He will be proud of having you as his mother.

5)    Eat Good food and not junks! Have you ever seen a woman seated with a big bowl of Kentucky Fried Chickens in front of her! So disgusting as she chews on and on non-stop. The stuff may taste nice but what about the fat? If you want to stay fit as me, then you must flee from excessive fatty stuff. Train your appetite for quality foods. Drain lots of clean water daily, not coca-cola, no coffee, not even too much of sugar.

Ask yourself; what do I look like? It will help you to act on taking care of yourself.

 

To your Single Motherhood Success

Princess Ayelotan

© 2009 All Rights Reserved

 

Author

TASTE OF HUNGER

www.tasteofhunger.com

SHADOW OF THE SUN

www.shadow-of-the-sun.com

MY CHILD & MY DATE

 

 

Being a single mother is neither a death warrant nor a disqualification for you not to have a male companion in your life. Your role as mother can be demanding and unless you are able to manage your time with your child, you will discover how loneliness can damage your emotional life.

It will come to moment in your life that you will notice that something is missing. This is normal because you are human and that requires you going out to search for your companion.

And once you have gotten one, which I will refer here as your date, you need to be able to define your priority between your child and your date. That you have a date does not mean that you should abandon your priority as a mother.

Many children no longer love their mother as they used to because now that their mothers have found their partners, they totally forgot, if not wiped out their motherly responsibilities.

Imagine a woman going out all day and coming in late at night, then go straight to her room with her date without bothering to check on her child.

You must not focus all your attention on your date and thus neglect your child. It is not just providing the needs such as food, clothes, bathing, or taking the child to school that matter. When you are dating, make sure you are in this dating with your child in mind. Do not forget to focus on including your child.

That is, ask yourself this question;

1)      Does this man like my child?

2)     Is he comfortable being with me when my child is around?

If this man feels uncomfortable or start acting strange in the presence of your child, then you need to do a quick and thorough rethink. Chances are he may never accept your child if at all you end up with him as man and wife.

Involve your child in your dating game. Do not think that your child is too young. Children are very, very smart. They learn faster than you. Your child will help you to see the potential sides or the false sides of your date.

When you involve your child, you are simply telling him that he belongs in your world. You don’t have to include him in the ‘intimate’ side of your dating. I bet you understand what I’m referring but he can come along with you in sightseeing, shopping, eating-outs, cinema and many more.

By involving your child, you will save yourself so many headaches that may arise when you are finally married to your ‘once-upon-a-date’.

Remember;  your child comes first.

  To your Single Motherhood Success!

 

Princess Ayelotan

© 2009 All Right Reserved

 

Author

TASTE OF HUNGER

www.tasteofhunger.com

SHADOW OF THE SUN

www.shadow-of-the-sun.com

MY KID & RELIGION; WHERE IS MY STAND?

Many mothers tend to ask this question so much; must we teach our children anything that got to do with religion?

Where is your stand in this?  As a mother, have you been looking at religion as obligation or as a duty?

It depends on how you take it but l want you to understand that the foundation that you lay from the beginning for your child is what he will grow up with.  It doesn’t matter how you grew up yourself as a child.

What you must realise is that you have a duty to get your child to know God. It is not too late to start that right now. You are the custodian of this child and don’t think that you will forever be there for him. There are moments he will be all alone, maybe in school, on campus or even with his wife and children.  Then he will need more guidance mostly from within himself as a man.

If a child does not know or never have any knowledge about God and His wisdom, how will he be able to cope with the stress of life?

Teaching your child about God is not religion even if you may see it that way. It is a MUST duty for every God-fearing mother who wants the best for her kids.

So are you going to introduce God into the lives of your kids?

To your Single Motherhood Success!

 

Princess Ayelotan

© 2009 All Rights Reserved

 Author

TASTE OF HUNGER

www.tasteofhunger.com

SHADOW OF THE SUN

www.shadow-of-the-sun.com